Currently Listening To: Nuns With Guns - EP
Dear My Blog,
I am really sorry I have not been good to you lately. I have been ignoring you for some time now and I really do not feel good about that. It's not that I do not like you anymore (in fact, I love you). I have just been having trouble finding the inspiration to log on and write stories. I forgot that I started this blog to not only create and share my writing, but to use the platform as a release and a place to let out my feelings and emotions. i have to learn that you are not just for story telling. I just feel that the people reading are more interested in the fucked up kids at NDNU rather than my rantings on how "lame" my life is. I will try and take better care of you in the future. I guess it is also in part due to my new job and thus I am more tired and lethargic, but that is no excuse! If I am ever going to become a successful writer I must not put off updating on here. Thank you for putting up with me. I love you.
I hope that everyone has been having a nice December! This past week was very good. Got a lot done in terms of work. Since I started in the last week of November I have been getting more hours and have been receiving very positive feedback from those ranking above me. I am liking my job at Souplantation a lot! Although the job is not very hard it is very rewarding to serve people and make sure everyone of our guests has a wonderful meal. Cant wait to get my hands on that first pay check next week.
Night All!!! Tune in soon for a new creative writing piece...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
It Wasn't Gravity...It Was The Witches!
Currently Listening To: Latin For Truth - Eleven Eleven
Hello December...we meet again! I cannot believe that we are already here!!! I really feel like 2010 just started, but we are now getting ready to bring in a new year. I would just like to recall some import events that were very significant in my life which occurred over the last 11 months:
1) January: Spring Classes begin at NDNU (my last semester as an undergrad/pick my topic for my senior thesis).
2) February: Graduation Application Accepted!
3) March: External HD stolen from computer lab at school containing my research and first five pages of my thesis.
4) April: The Bohemian Publication Party (one of our best publications to date, we put our hearts and souls into creating this years journal and we are damn proud of it!).
5) May: College Graduation!!!!! (an hour later we were on a plane heading to Vegas to celebrate) and I finally got out of the "madhouse" I was living in put my stuff in a storage unit and go to live on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
6) June: Vans Warped Tour begins at the end of June (I would be gone for two months on the road traveling with the Riverboat Gamblers, selling skateboards for Hooligan Skate).
7) July: In the thick of it...getting into the grove of touring and having surreal life experiences every day (got to see Mama and Papa Marin in Orlando).
8) August: Warped Tour ends mid month...hang out in LA for a week than head back to the Bay. Currently living back on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
9) September: Start this blog (saves my sanity). Life is not to easy living on a couch.
10) October: Invited to live in San Diego county with Aunt Noella and Uncle Ted. I move mid-month (First time I sleep in a proper bed since May).
11) November: Hang out in Florida for a week. Aunt Maria and Mike marry on Siesta Key. I turn 24 (new laptop obtained)!! Acquire job at Souplantation. First Thanksgiving away from Home.
And now here we are...December. Another first for me is coming up pretty soon. Last year was the first time that the Marin's did not spend the Christmas holiday together. Although, I was fortunate to spend almost 2 weeks hanging out with my brother Alex at his old house in IV, in PV with the Arwin's crazy Persian family, and up in the Bay in Redwood City. It was a really great time to say the least. I feel like Alex and I were able to reconnect as brothers and since then we have not been closer.
This year I will not be spending it with any one in the Marin family. Since I just got this awesome job at Souplantation I don't want take off work so soon. I want to carve myself a niche and establish myself within the politics of the establishment, haha. I will be having Christmas here in Carlsbad, which is not a horrible thing to be honest.Tomorrow we are going to get our tree and for the first time since I really cannot remember when I will be decorating a Christmas Tree. For the first time I am really getting into the Christmas spirit. Yesterday I was taking my first look for gifts I want to get for my close friends and family. I don't know about singing along to any Christmas songs, but I will definitely be belting out The Vandals 'Oi To The World' album on the regular!
This past week I started my new job and I have been really digging it. The management has been noticing that I enjoy to work and I am pumped to be there. I am going to be the best floor staff member that I can be! I am starting to make some new friends through working and that is also making me super happy, finally!
I am so looking forward to what 2011 has in store for me. I hope that it was as good as this year! I miss my friends in the Bay and I miss my family in Florida!
Hello December...we meet again! I cannot believe that we are already here!!! I really feel like 2010 just started, but we are now getting ready to bring in a new year. I would just like to recall some import events that were very significant in my life which occurred over the last 11 months:
1) January: Spring Classes begin at NDNU (my last semester as an undergrad/pick my topic for my senior thesis).
2) February: Graduation Application Accepted!
3) March: External HD stolen from computer lab at school containing my research and first five pages of my thesis.
4) April: The Bohemian Publication Party (one of our best publications to date, we put our hearts and souls into creating this years journal and we are damn proud of it!).
5) May: College Graduation!!!!! (an hour later we were on a plane heading to Vegas to celebrate) and I finally got out of the "madhouse" I was living in put my stuff in a storage unit and go to live on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
6) June: Vans Warped Tour begins at the end of June (I would be gone for two months on the road traveling with the Riverboat Gamblers, selling skateboards for Hooligan Skate).
7) July: In the thick of it...getting into the grove of touring and having surreal life experiences every day (got to see Mama and Papa Marin in Orlando).
8) August: Warped Tour ends mid month...hang out in LA for a week than head back to the Bay. Currently living back on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
9) September: Start this blog (saves my sanity). Life is not to easy living on a couch.
10) October: Invited to live in San Diego county with Aunt Noella and Uncle Ted. I move mid-month (First time I sleep in a proper bed since May).
11) November: Hang out in Florida for a week. Aunt Maria and Mike marry on Siesta Key. I turn 24 (new laptop obtained)!! Acquire job at Souplantation. First Thanksgiving away from Home.
And now here we are...December. Another first for me is coming up pretty soon. Last year was the first time that the Marin's did not spend the Christmas holiday together. Although, I was fortunate to spend almost 2 weeks hanging out with my brother Alex at his old house in IV, in PV with the Arwin's crazy Persian family, and up in the Bay in Redwood City. It was a really great time to say the least. I feel like Alex and I were able to reconnect as brothers and since then we have not been closer.
This year I will not be spending it with any one in the Marin family. Since I just got this awesome job at Souplantation I don't want take off work so soon. I want to carve myself a niche and establish myself within the politics of the establishment, haha. I will be having Christmas here in Carlsbad, which is not a horrible thing to be honest.Tomorrow we are going to get our tree and for the first time since I really cannot remember when I will be decorating a Christmas Tree. For the first time I am really getting into the Christmas spirit. Yesterday I was taking my first look for gifts I want to get for my close friends and family. I don't know about singing along to any Christmas songs, but I will definitely be belting out The Vandals 'Oi To The World' album on the regular!
This past week I started my new job and I have been really digging it. The management has been noticing that I enjoy to work and I am pumped to be there. I am going to be the best floor staff member that I can be! I am starting to make some new friends through working and that is also making me super happy, finally!
I am so looking forward to what 2011 has in store for me. I hope that it was as good as this year! I miss my friends in the Bay and I miss my family in Florida!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Night Howler...
Currently Listening To: Crime In Stereo - I Was Trying To Describe You To Someone
I was walking down the street the other day going to my favorite coffee shop when I came upon a crumbled up piece of paper lying in the gutter if the street. Normally I would not have picked it up or paid it any attention, but I felt something inside of me telling me that I need to look at what was written on this random piece of trash.
I picked it up, unraveled it, and my eyes started to scan the dirty paper. It was some sort of note written by some anonymous person. It described a person who was being held in captivity, being tortured and starved. I don't know whether or not this was something real or fake, but it freaked me out non the less. This is what the note had written on it...
It has been 17 days since the last time I have seen the outside world. 17 days without a shower. 17 days without saying a word to another person and I don't know how long this misery is going to last for...This is my 17th journal entry and I do not know how many more I will be able to write. I just hope that someone, somewhere will read my scribblings. I wish I could tell you where I am, but I do not know how I came to be locked in the room.
What I can tell you is that the last place I was seen was at the Oceanside WestField Mall hanging out with my girlfriend doing some very early Christmas shopping. We left the mall late at night and I remember walking back to the car, but something happened. I was hit on the head and was knocked unconscious and I woke up in this shithole, I thought my apartment was bad.
The room that I am in is very dark and extremely filthy, it smells of urine and rotten food and there are no windows, just a door with a slot in it where I receive my daily rations. I am sure that whoever took me also has my girlfriend, but I am unable to be sure because I have been screaming out her name without any response. The light in the center of the room hangs down from the ceiling and flickers on and off consistently day and night. I actually cannot be sure when it is day or night because I have no view of the outside world, but I use it as a reference to describe to you. There is no bed in here, just a twin sized mattress, no blanket.
I get fed twice a day through the slot: beans, bread, and water. Very small portions, but I generally do not eat it. I drink the water and leave the food. There is no proper place for me to go to the bathroom, a hole in the ground is where i do my business. I have investigated every inch of this holding cell and there is no way of escaping this nightmare. I tried multiple times to end my life by taking the spoon that is provided for me across my writs and bleed out, but I cannot succeed in breaking the skin due to my lack of nutrition.
I was surprised to find this notebook and pencil. I am even more surprised that I have the strength to keep writing. I feel as if I am on my last days here. I miss my family and I wish that I could be with them right now. I know that I was not the best son and I caused some acrimony in home life, but I love my family and would do anything to be with them again.
I guess this will be it for now...I hope that I will be able to wake tomorrow and continue this journal...
And the note ended there. I sat on the curb holding this note, a single tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was this someone's sick joke or was this for real? I put the note into my pocket and went to finally got my coffee, but my mind was racing. What was I going to do? I sat and pondered over it while sipping my hot brew. I came to the conclusion that I was going to take it to the police station.
At the station I was able to speak with a detective and I told him what I had found and handed over the note. He was reluctant and I knew that it would be difficult to have a conversation with him. After he reviewed it he looked at me and asked if I liked wasting tax payer money. He saw the note as some joke and did not take me seriously. For all I know the detective probably thought I had written the note and was trying to make him go on some wild goose chase. He told me to get lost...I left the station worried and angry.
I still have the note. I keep it in my notebook and carry it with me everywhere. I am so sorry I could not help you. I tried my best and was turned away. I will use this note as inspiration and I will recall it often.
I was walking down the street the other day going to my favorite coffee shop when I came upon a crumbled up piece of paper lying in the gutter if the street. Normally I would not have picked it up or paid it any attention, but I felt something inside of me telling me that I need to look at what was written on this random piece of trash.
I picked it up, unraveled it, and my eyes started to scan the dirty paper. It was some sort of note written by some anonymous person. It described a person who was being held in captivity, being tortured and starved. I don't know whether or not this was something real or fake, but it freaked me out non the less. This is what the note had written on it...
It has been 17 days since the last time I have seen the outside world. 17 days without a shower. 17 days without saying a word to another person and I don't know how long this misery is going to last for...This is my 17th journal entry and I do not know how many more I will be able to write. I just hope that someone, somewhere will read my scribblings. I wish I could tell you where I am, but I do not know how I came to be locked in the room.
What I can tell you is that the last place I was seen was at the Oceanside WestField Mall hanging out with my girlfriend doing some very early Christmas shopping. We left the mall late at night and I remember walking back to the car, but something happened. I was hit on the head and was knocked unconscious and I woke up in this shithole, I thought my apartment was bad.
The room that I am in is very dark and extremely filthy, it smells of urine and rotten food and there are no windows, just a door with a slot in it where I receive my daily rations. I am sure that whoever took me also has my girlfriend, but I am unable to be sure because I have been screaming out her name without any response. The light in the center of the room hangs down from the ceiling and flickers on and off consistently day and night. I actually cannot be sure when it is day or night because I have no view of the outside world, but I use it as a reference to describe to you. There is no bed in here, just a twin sized mattress, no blanket.
I get fed twice a day through the slot: beans, bread, and water. Very small portions, but I generally do not eat it. I drink the water and leave the food. There is no proper place for me to go to the bathroom, a hole in the ground is where i do my business. I have investigated every inch of this holding cell and there is no way of escaping this nightmare. I tried multiple times to end my life by taking the spoon that is provided for me across my writs and bleed out, but I cannot succeed in breaking the skin due to my lack of nutrition.
I was surprised to find this notebook and pencil. I am even more surprised that I have the strength to keep writing. I feel as if I am on my last days here. I miss my family and I wish that I could be with them right now. I know that I was not the best son and I caused some acrimony in home life, but I love my family and would do anything to be with them again.
I guess this will be it for now...I hope that I will be able to wake tomorrow and continue this journal...
And the note ended there. I sat on the curb holding this note, a single tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was this someone's sick joke or was this for real? I put the note into my pocket and went to finally got my coffee, but my mind was racing. What was I going to do? I sat and pondered over it while sipping my hot brew. I came to the conclusion that I was going to take it to the police station.
At the station I was able to speak with a detective and I told him what I had found and handed over the note. He was reluctant and I knew that it would be difficult to have a conversation with him. After he reviewed it he looked at me and asked if I liked wasting tax payer money. He saw the note as some joke and did not take me seriously. For all I know the detective probably thought I had written the note and was trying to make him go on some wild goose chase. He told me to get lost...I left the station worried and angry.
I still have the note. I keep it in my notebook and carry it with me everywhere. I am so sorry I could not help you. I tried my best and was turned away. I will use this note as inspiration and I will recall it often.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Don't Let Her Bring You Down...
Currently Listening To: Between The Buried and Me - S/T
Today is a soggy, cold, and dreary day in Southern California and I thought that I was going to be able to stay out of the miserable weather, but I was totally wrong.
Yesterday I had my orientation at Souplantation (mostly signing paperwork) where my boss told me that I had to get the proper, non-slip footwear in order to do my job properly and safely, so I decided that I would go out to Payless and pick up a pair today (Saturday).
I put on a jacket (not weather-proof) and took a stole down the street to catch the bus. As I walked outside I noticed that there was only a light drizzle and the clouds over head were not too menacing, so I was not worried about having to stand and wait for the bus to come and take me up the street to the shopping center. I waited at the bus stop for a good 10 minutes and the bus had not come yet, but I stood there confident, even though the bus was late I knew that it would come and I would soon be out of the cold and on my way.
Finally, I saw the bus coming up the street and I smiled, happy that I was going to safe from the elements momentarily. As the bus came closer I stood near the curb (as to be seen easily) and got my change ready. The bus driver without thinking twice about it passed right by me and I stood there in shock watching the bus speed off to where ever it was going. "Did that just happen?", I said to myself out loud. Just as I began to walk toward the shopping center, pissed off like no ones business, it began to pour down on me, perfect! I kept on walking, becoming soaked to the bone and I looked up to the heavens and I yelled out, "When does it get easier?" After what seemed like an eternity, the rain stopped. I was still about a mile away, but I was not about to turn around. I had a mission to complete and I wasn't going to let a lousy bus driver ruin my day. I sucked it up and walked into the closest coffee shop (Coffee Bean) and got myself a small drip, used some napkins to dry my hair and continued on.
I made it to the store and it only took me five minutes to find the proper fitting shoes and I was soon back on my way home. Luckily, it did not rain on my walk home and I was incredible thankful for that.
Sometimes life presents us with challenges and lately I have had to overcome many. Even though I wanted to give up I had to persevere. I almost let the weather and a bus driver get the best of me, but I called my dad and as usual he gave me great advice and told me to continue on my path and to keep doing the right thing. Even though life gets difficult, doing the right thing will pay off in the end. I let it go and and I am happy that I am all set with work uniform.
On a lighter note I am going to share a wee nugget of joy with you that comes in the form of an internet conversation between my good friend Ana and myself...
Today is a soggy, cold, and dreary day in Southern California and I thought that I was going to be able to stay out of the miserable weather, but I was totally wrong.
Yesterday I had my orientation at Souplantation (mostly signing paperwork) where my boss told me that I had to get the proper, non-slip footwear in order to do my job properly and safely, so I decided that I would go out to Payless and pick up a pair today (Saturday).
I put on a jacket (not weather-proof) and took a stole down the street to catch the bus. As I walked outside I noticed that there was only a light drizzle and the clouds over head were not too menacing, so I was not worried about having to stand and wait for the bus to come and take me up the street to the shopping center. I waited at the bus stop for a good 10 minutes and the bus had not come yet, but I stood there confident, even though the bus was late I knew that it would come and I would soon be out of the cold and on my way.
Finally, I saw the bus coming up the street and I smiled, happy that I was going to safe from the elements momentarily. As the bus came closer I stood near the curb (as to be seen easily) and got my change ready. The bus driver without thinking twice about it passed right by me and I stood there in shock watching the bus speed off to where ever it was going. "Did that just happen?", I said to myself out loud. Just as I began to walk toward the shopping center, pissed off like no ones business, it began to pour down on me, perfect! I kept on walking, becoming soaked to the bone and I looked up to the heavens and I yelled out, "When does it get easier?" After what seemed like an eternity, the rain stopped. I was still about a mile away, but I was not about to turn around. I had a mission to complete and I wasn't going to let a lousy bus driver ruin my day. I sucked it up and walked into the closest coffee shop (Coffee Bean) and got myself a small drip, used some napkins to dry my hair and continued on.
I made it to the store and it only took me five minutes to find the proper fitting shoes and I was soon back on my way home. Luckily, it did not rain on my walk home and I was incredible thankful for that.
Sometimes life presents us with challenges and lately I have had to overcome many. Even though I wanted to give up I had to persevere. I almost let the weather and a bus driver get the best of me, but I called my dad and as usual he gave me great advice and told me to continue on my path and to keep doing the right thing. Even though life gets difficult, doing the right thing will pay off in the end. I let it go and and I am happy that I am all set with work uniform.
On a lighter note I am going to share a wee nugget of joy with you that comes in the form of an internet conversation between my good friend Ana and myself...
Ana: I have to type 10 pgs on the anthropological perspective of garbage...gahhhhh
Me: If you need some one to edit your paper for you I could do it, its kind of what I got my degree in
Ana: No way, what's your degree in?
Me: English
Ana: Oh hahaha I thought you meant trash
Me: hahahahaaha
I guess the point of me posting this conversation is to emphasize how much I miss being in school. I would go out of my way to edit and fix up my friends papers for school and why not? I love to do it. I miss having to write papers as crazy as it sounds. I cannot wait until I have the opportunity to go back to school and begin my masters program. It is my dream to go back within the next five years and eventually become a high school English teacher. If any one reads this and needs help with their papers I could be of service. I will not type your paper for you (that would be cheating), but I would not mind editing it for you, just give me a shout.
I hope everyone is having a nice, relaxing weekend. Be easy!
With love,
Madisson
Sunday, November 14, 2010
"Do You Know Who You Are..."
Currently Listening To: Dangers - Messy Isn't It (www.wearedangers.com)
So here we are again...I am not going to be telling any outlandish story about Notre Dame de Namur (sorry they have been so dark, I promise the next one will be a little bit more cheerful) because I have something else on my mind tonight.
I was trying to contact an old friend of mine (doesn't matter who) and I was having trouble getting a response from this person. So, I decided to "break up" with this person and I just spent the last 20 minutes writing several paragraphs to this person telling them why I did not want to be their friend any more (not that we talked much these days) and forget every good memory we made together. I have tried several times to reach out to said person and I have either gotten the "I have been sooo busy..." bullshit or no response at all. We were really tight at one point and now I cannot even get the time of day. I know that I should have been more civil about the things I put in the letter, but I wanted to let said person how i felt and that I am not happy with our current relationship. I am not sure that it was the right thing to do, but i did it and I do not regret sending it.
What I do regret is letting it get to this point. It is probably my fault, but I have tried to reach out and keep our relationship alive somewhat, but some where along the way I gave up, I didn't want to chase some one that wasn't going to respond to me. I guess said person is better off without a crazy asshole like me in their life. Even though this person has added some fuel to my literary fire and I could write something really nasty about this person on here, I am not. I am going to end it here by saying...
Dear ______, Thank you for everything in the past that you have done for me. I hope that your life in _______ is great, I know that you are studying hard and living it up. I wish I could give you one last hug, but I wouldn't let you go. I would squeeze your slender body till I heard your ribs crack and then drop you to the floor and smash your face with my raging fists till it was caved in and nothing but pulp. And I would laugh and laugh and laugh and scream, "Are you happy now are you happy, you dumb ______! Thanks for nothing!!" as your body twitches involuntarily from the brutal beating I wailed down on you.
(Disclaimer: I would just like everyone who reads this regularly to know that that scenario would never happen. I am generally a very peaceful person and I honestly could not hurt any one in real life. But, as many of you know I have a devilishly wild imagination and watch to many horror movies for my own good. Please do not be frightened by the violence portrayed in the previous paragraph please. Thank you.)
On a lighter note, I have been very busy trying to get a job this past week. I filled 27 job apps and had 6 interviews since last Wednesday. I have a second interview tomorrow at "Souplantation" and I am almost positive I will lock it down. I am also working on moving out of Aunt Noella and Ted's place and I think I will be able to do this very soon. Besides that nothing else is going on with me. Just trying to stay fit, eat right (even though I have had two dank breakfast burritos from Rudy's in the past two days) and mentally strong. Some may say that my little outburst above is not positive or strong, but it is my way of letting out emotion. Some people smoke pot and just forget it, some dwell on it and let it ruin their week (or month), but I acknowledge it and move on. I also want to mention that I am officially obsessed with using Skype. Now that I have a rad laptop (thanks mama and papa) I try and do it every day. So far I have Skyped: Natasha w/ Shane OP and Jessica, The Dude, Melissa (who is in France), Courtney (who is in Austria) and of all people in the world, Fred, hahaha, even though it didn't work that well.
Just finish reading Bret Easton Ellis's "American Psycho" and I am now onto Greg Graffin's "Anarchy Evolution". I am looking forward to this week. It is going to be a good one.
I miss you, I wish I were near you...
Always & Forever,
Madisson
So here we are again...I am not going to be telling any outlandish story about Notre Dame de Namur (sorry they have been so dark, I promise the next one will be a little bit more cheerful) because I have something else on my mind tonight.
I was trying to contact an old friend of mine (doesn't matter who) and I was having trouble getting a response from this person. So, I decided to "break up" with this person and I just spent the last 20 minutes writing several paragraphs to this person telling them why I did not want to be their friend any more (not that we talked much these days) and forget every good memory we made together. I have tried several times to reach out to said person and I have either gotten the "I have been sooo busy..." bullshit or no response at all. We were really tight at one point and now I cannot even get the time of day. I know that I should have been more civil about the things I put in the letter, but I wanted to let said person how i felt and that I am not happy with our current relationship. I am not sure that it was the right thing to do, but i did it and I do not regret sending it.
What I do regret is letting it get to this point. It is probably my fault, but I have tried to reach out and keep our relationship alive somewhat, but some where along the way I gave up, I didn't want to chase some one that wasn't going to respond to me. I guess said person is better off without a crazy asshole like me in their life. Even though this person has added some fuel to my literary fire and I could write something really nasty about this person on here, I am not. I am going to end it here by saying...
Dear ______, Thank you for everything in the past that you have done for me. I hope that your life in _______ is great, I know that you are studying hard and living it up. I wish I could give you one last hug, but I wouldn't let you go. I would squeeze your slender body till I heard your ribs crack and then drop you to the floor and smash your face with my raging fists till it was caved in and nothing but pulp. And I would laugh and laugh and laugh and scream, "Are you happy now are you happy, you dumb ______! Thanks for nothing!!" as your body twitches involuntarily from the brutal beating I wailed down on you.
(Disclaimer: I would just like everyone who reads this regularly to know that that scenario would never happen. I am generally a very peaceful person and I honestly could not hurt any one in real life. But, as many of you know I have a devilishly wild imagination and watch to many horror movies for my own good. Please do not be frightened by the violence portrayed in the previous paragraph please. Thank you.)
On a lighter note, I have been very busy trying to get a job this past week. I filled 27 job apps and had 6 interviews since last Wednesday. I have a second interview tomorrow at "Souplantation" and I am almost positive I will lock it down. I am also working on moving out of Aunt Noella and Ted's place and I think I will be able to do this very soon. Besides that nothing else is going on with me. Just trying to stay fit, eat right (even though I have had two dank breakfast burritos from Rudy's in the past two days) and mentally strong. Some may say that my little outburst above is not positive or strong, but it is my way of letting out emotion. Some people smoke pot and just forget it, some dwell on it and let it ruin their week (or month), but I acknowledge it and move on. I also want to mention that I am officially obsessed with using Skype. Now that I have a rad laptop (thanks mama and papa) I try and do it every day. So far I have Skyped: Natasha w/ Shane OP and Jessica, The Dude, Melissa (who is in France), Courtney (who is in Austria) and of all people in the world, Fred, hahaha, even though it didn't work that well.
Just finish reading Bret Easton Ellis's "American Psycho" and I am now onto Greg Graffin's "Anarchy Evolution". I am looking forward to this week. It is going to be a good one.
I miss you, I wish I were near you...
Always & Forever,
Madisson
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Fatal Attractions...
Currently Listening To: Such Gold - Stand Tall EP
Now...lets get to the real juicy stuff...the reason why you all actually read this thing (thank you for doing so), yet another strange story from the lovely campus in dreary, old Belmont, CA, Notre Dame de Namur University.
If you are or every have been a student at NDNU, you know about the random "hook-ups" that take place around campus. On any given night you would be able to hear something going on in someones dorm room. I remember this one night standing outside a second floor New Hall room (these peoples names will be withheld for the sake of embarrassment), music blaring and the sound of two people really laying into one another. It was awkward and after a few chuckles I went about my business.
The most memorable couple I remember from campus was a strange one to say the least. This involves a girl named Lilian Havily and the guy named Blaze Kesler. Now, just to give you a little background on these people, they were extremely socially awkward. They did not talk to anyone else around campus, they ate every single meal together in the back of the cafe, they even scheduled ALL their classes together so they never had to be apart. The reason why I know all of this is because Blaze had a room in my New Hall dorm. I knew Blaze was "different" because the first time we meet he walked into our New Hall common area and moved straight toward his room, head down and slammed the door behind him, saying nothing. I didn't even get the opportunity to introduce myself. I stood there for a moment, scratched my head and returned to getting my room situated. While I was doing this I thought to myself that the kid is just shy and I he will open up to one of these days. I was wrong.
Blaze and Lilian meet during Freshman orientation. They were perfect for each other. They were both into being anti-social, consistently only wore black clothing, and loved to fuck to the band Nine Inch Nails. It was not long before Lilian was spending every single night in Blaze's dorm room. I could hear them every night banging and to be completely honest, it was disturbing. Instead of hearing passionate moans I heard screams as if some one was being tortured and it was obvious they did not care who was hearing them because this happened all the time. It would keep me up at night and when I would finally get to sleep the screams would be there in my nightmares. I finally went to student services to consult with the head of student life about my issue, but as usual she told me to try and figure it out myself and talk with Blaze. That never happened. Every time I tried to talk to him he was never there or he would ignore my knocks on his door (his door was always closed and he was very private). I would go around campus looking for him but he was nowhere to be found and I was getting pissed off to say the least. I knew that I would just have to suck it up for two more weeks before I could request a room change.
I was hanging out with my friend Stephanie, listening to good pop punk music (Daggermouth and Living With Lions to be precise) and drinking cheap champagne. I was telling her about what a nightmare it was to live with Blaze and she could not believe what I had to endure. She excused herself to use our restroom, but as soon as she left my room she returned and she said that Blaze's door was open. I jumped out of my seat, nearly spilling over the bottle of cheap booze and grabbed her wrist and lead he over to the mysterious room. I moved slowly as I cracked the door open inch by inch and discovered that the two weirdos were not present, they were probably off preforming some kind of animal sacrifice. The room was completely covered in some kind of black wall paper. The room smelt of some kind of rubber or latex. Blaze's bed was lofted just enough to have his chest of drawers under it. I, being the curious one, began to snoop around the tiny room looking around for anything out of place and my eye fell upon some black leather strap hanging out of one of the drawers. I opened to drawer and my jaw dropped onto the floor (that's a metaphor people). I do not know if any of you are familiar with BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism), but it was now clear what was happening in this room. I did my best not to disturb anything because I did not want Blaze to know I had been in his room, but from just eyeballing the drawer I saw his sexual implements: metal handcuffs, leather collars, a "spider gag", nipple clamps, a cock harness, ball stretchers, bondage tape, a slave mask, fist mitts, knee pads, a flogger, and Ben Wa balls. Stephanie and I had enough of this freak show, so I closed the drawer and exited the room how we found it. We went back to my room and filled our glasses and came to the conclusion that what ever kind of relationship they were engaged in was dangerous and it would not be to long before one of them gets really hurt from their bizarre sexual rituals. We were right.
About a week later, Friday night around 11pm, I was with Stephanie and we heard screaming coming from Blaze's room, not unusual, but this time it was different. It was screaming and intense weeping and coughing and pleading. We walked into the middle of the common area and we stood there very worried and I realized that this non-sense had gone on long enough. I stepped outside and called "Public Safety" on my cell phone and told them that my roommate and his girlfriend were causing a disturbance. They said they would be along in a couple minutes to help me out. Stephanie and I stood in the middle of the common area staring at the door trying to imagine what was going on in that room, but neither of us could have guessed what was actually taking place. All the sudden Blaze's room was quiet and this disturbed me even more, I grabbed Stephanie's hand I could tell she was scared and then there was a knock on the front door that made us jump. I lead the two safety officers to Blaze's door and they rapped on his door with a forceful knock. A voice called out saying that every thing was fine, but they were not satisfied, they wanted to speak face to face. The voice said not to disturb the couple, but the safety officer decided to open the door with his all access key to talk to them. They opened the door and began to yell. I moved toward the door and looked into the room and saw Blaze on his bed straddling a lifeless, bloody body. The couples sexual practices had become too tame and they had started to experiment with "sexual cutting". The point of this was to lightly drag a knife (in this case a razor) across a body part to draw a little bit of blood to induce sexual arousal. But Blaze became too greedy with the blade. He began slicing deeper and deeper into his lover, Lilian, but did not know the extent of his cutting would end up killing the poor girl. He had sliced her up and down her back, along the inner part of her thighs and arms. She was screaming, but he took these cries of pain as screams of pleasure and he went into a sexual frenzy. They pulled Blaze down from the bed and grabbed him some clothes from the floor and immediately called the police. Stephanie ran out of the room, but I stood near Blaze's doorway in shock. I moved passed the threshold and stood on a chair to view Lilian's lifeless body, blood pooling in the center of the bed, her eyes starring straight into mine. I left the room and joined Stephanie outside, holding her and we cried. I can still see Lilian's dead eyes starring at me in my dreams to this day.
Now...lets get to the real juicy stuff...the reason why you all actually read this thing (thank you for doing so), yet another strange story from the lovely campus in dreary, old Belmont, CA, Notre Dame de Namur University.
If you are or every have been a student at NDNU, you know about the random "hook-ups" that take place around campus. On any given night you would be able to hear something going on in someones dorm room. I remember this one night standing outside a second floor New Hall room (these peoples names will be withheld for the sake of embarrassment), music blaring and the sound of two people really laying into one another. It was awkward and after a few chuckles I went about my business.
The most memorable couple I remember from campus was a strange one to say the least. This involves a girl named Lilian Havily and the guy named Blaze Kesler. Now, just to give you a little background on these people, they were extremely socially awkward. They did not talk to anyone else around campus, they ate every single meal together in the back of the cafe, they even scheduled ALL their classes together so they never had to be apart. The reason why I know all of this is because Blaze had a room in my New Hall dorm. I knew Blaze was "different" because the first time we meet he walked into our New Hall common area and moved straight toward his room, head down and slammed the door behind him, saying nothing. I didn't even get the opportunity to introduce myself. I stood there for a moment, scratched my head and returned to getting my room situated. While I was doing this I thought to myself that the kid is just shy and I he will open up to one of these days. I was wrong.
Blaze and Lilian meet during Freshman orientation. They were perfect for each other. They were both into being anti-social, consistently only wore black clothing, and loved to fuck to the band Nine Inch Nails. It was not long before Lilian was spending every single night in Blaze's dorm room. I could hear them every night banging and to be completely honest, it was disturbing. Instead of hearing passionate moans I heard screams as if some one was being tortured and it was obvious they did not care who was hearing them because this happened all the time. It would keep me up at night and when I would finally get to sleep the screams would be there in my nightmares. I finally went to student services to consult with the head of student life about my issue, but as usual she told me to try and figure it out myself and talk with Blaze. That never happened. Every time I tried to talk to him he was never there or he would ignore my knocks on his door (his door was always closed and he was very private). I would go around campus looking for him but he was nowhere to be found and I was getting pissed off to say the least. I knew that I would just have to suck it up for two more weeks before I could request a room change.
I was hanging out with my friend Stephanie, listening to good pop punk music (Daggermouth and Living With Lions to be precise) and drinking cheap champagne. I was telling her about what a nightmare it was to live with Blaze and she could not believe what I had to endure. She excused herself to use our restroom, but as soon as she left my room she returned and she said that Blaze's door was open. I jumped out of my seat, nearly spilling over the bottle of cheap booze and grabbed her wrist and lead he over to the mysterious room. I moved slowly as I cracked the door open inch by inch and discovered that the two weirdos were not present, they were probably off preforming some kind of animal sacrifice. The room was completely covered in some kind of black wall paper. The room smelt of some kind of rubber or latex. Blaze's bed was lofted just enough to have his chest of drawers under it. I, being the curious one, began to snoop around the tiny room looking around for anything out of place and my eye fell upon some black leather strap hanging out of one of the drawers. I opened to drawer and my jaw dropped onto the floor (that's a metaphor people). I do not know if any of you are familiar with BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism), but it was now clear what was happening in this room. I did my best not to disturb anything because I did not want Blaze to know I had been in his room, but from just eyeballing the drawer I saw his sexual implements: metal handcuffs, leather collars, a "spider gag", nipple clamps, a cock harness, ball stretchers, bondage tape, a slave mask, fist mitts, knee pads, a flogger, and Ben Wa balls. Stephanie and I had enough of this freak show, so I closed the drawer and exited the room how we found it. We went back to my room and filled our glasses and came to the conclusion that what ever kind of relationship they were engaged in was dangerous and it would not be to long before one of them gets really hurt from their bizarre sexual rituals. We were right.
About a week later, Friday night around 11pm, I was with Stephanie and we heard screaming coming from Blaze's room, not unusual, but this time it was different. It was screaming and intense weeping and coughing and pleading. We walked into the middle of the common area and we stood there very worried and I realized that this non-sense had gone on long enough. I stepped outside and called "Public Safety" on my cell phone and told them that my roommate and his girlfriend were causing a disturbance. They said they would be along in a couple minutes to help me out. Stephanie and I stood in the middle of the common area staring at the door trying to imagine what was going on in that room, but neither of us could have guessed what was actually taking place. All the sudden Blaze's room was quiet and this disturbed me even more, I grabbed Stephanie's hand I could tell she was scared and then there was a knock on the front door that made us jump. I lead the two safety officers to Blaze's door and they rapped on his door with a forceful knock. A voice called out saying that every thing was fine, but they were not satisfied, they wanted to speak face to face. The voice said not to disturb the couple, but the safety officer decided to open the door with his all access key to talk to them. They opened the door and began to yell. I moved toward the door and looked into the room and saw Blaze on his bed straddling a lifeless, bloody body. The couples sexual practices had become too tame and they had started to experiment with "sexual cutting". The point of this was to lightly drag a knife (in this case a razor) across a body part to draw a little bit of blood to induce sexual arousal. But Blaze became too greedy with the blade. He began slicing deeper and deeper into his lover, Lilian, but did not know the extent of his cutting would end up killing the poor girl. He had sliced her up and down her back, along the inner part of her thighs and arms. She was screaming, but he took these cries of pain as screams of pleasure and he went into a sexual frenzy. They pulled Blaze down from the bed and grabbed him some clothes from the floor and immediately called the police. Stephanie ran out of the room, but I stood near Blaze's doorway in shock. I moved passed the threshold and stood on a chair to view Lilian's lifeless body, blood pooling in the center of the bed, her eyes starring straight into mine. I left the room and joined Stephanie outside, holding her and we cried. I can still see Lilian's dead eyes starring at me in my dreams to this day.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
"Throwing Away My Empty Cup..."
Currently Listening To: Sundowner - Four One Five Two
I know, I know...Another full week without me updating on here. I am not going to apologize because I have been quite busy and I know I have let down my readers who have expectations of me and I will tell you that you need to loose your expectations. If you do not have expectations you will never be let down...think about it.
I am going to say something here and I know that I will get criticised for it because people very close to me read this and they care about me and will ask me whats wrong...I am sick and tired of being alone. It seems that everyone these days has someone special in his or her life and I am super jealous. I know that you cannot just solve a problem like that easily, but it is just distressing. I want someone to hold and be all mine. I am not seeking anything fake, like sex and something purely physical. I want someone to confide in, someone to be there for me when I need to get out my frustration and understand me. People will say, "Madisson, you are just going through a phase and it will pass. What you are feeling is only temporary..." This "temporary" feeling has been around for long enough to still get on my nerves. I am happy I moved to San Diego and I have some stability in my life...but I am so fucking lonely!
On a lighter note, I am in Florida with the family and I couldn't be happier getting this opportunity to spend time with them. I haven't been back to visit since last March and it feels great. I have been doing yoga ever morning with Ma since I got here and eating delicious food, and boating and just having fun before I have to go to my monotonous life in San Diego. I am still jobless and it makes me feel like shit. When I get back I have to make getting a job my job. I thank God that I have my extended family supporting me, giving me a place to live and all, but I feel like I am wearing on my Aunt's life. She and her husband haven't been married all that long and know with me being there I feel as if I am imposing on their lives. They would tell you that they love having me, but they cannot deny that they would rather be alone and me living close by in my own apartment. I am giving myself another couple months, four at the most and them I have to get out and give them their normal, quiet lives back.
Next week, Tuesday, will be my 24th birthday and I am a little excited for that. I am just happy to be alive today and I thank God (and Ma and Papa) every day for this life and the air I breathe and the birds in the air and the sun that beats down from the sky that kisses my tan skin. My birthday will be just like every other day except a little more sweet.
I miss my friends dearly (Shane OP, The Dude, Omar, Fred, Natasha, Steph, Nikki P, Cole Travis, Skyler, Katie, Alex Pond, Sam Dotts, A-Rose, DROCK, Rikki, Haley... too many more to put down here) You guys are missed quite dearly and it kills me that I don't get to see you everyday...I would say that we are together in spirit, but that is not good enough for me and I cannot express in words how I truly feel about you guys...
Always,
Maddog
I know, I know...Another full week without me updating on here. I am not going to apologize because I have been quite busy and I know I have let down my readers who have expectations of me and I will tell you that you need to loose your expectations. If you do not have expectations you will never be let down...think about it.
I am going to say something here and I know that I will get criticised for it because people very close to me read this and they care about me and will ask me whats wrong...I am sick and tired of being alone. It seems that everyone these days has someone special in his or her life and I am super jealous. I know that you cannot just solve a problem like that easily, but it is just distressing. I want someone to hold and be all mine. I am not seeking anything fake, like sex and something purely physical. I want someone to confide in, someone to be there for me when I need to get out my frustration and understand me. People will say, "Madisson, you are just going through a phase and it will pass. What you are feeling is only temporary..." This "temporary" feeling has been around for long enough to still get on my nerves. I am happy I moved to San Diego and I have some stability in my life...but I am so fucking lonely!
On a lighter note, I am in Florida with the family and I couldn't be happier getting this opportunity to spend time with them. I haven't been back to visit since last March and it feels great. I have been doing yoga ever morning with Ma since I got here and eating delicious food, and boating and just having fun before I have to go to my monotonous life in San Diego. I am still jobless and it makes me feel like shit. When I get back I have to make getting a job my job. I thank God that I have my extended family supporting me, giving me a place to live and all, but I feel like I am wearing on my Aunt's life. She and her husband haven't been married all that long and know with me being there I feel as if I am imposing on their lives. They would tell you that they love having me, but they cannot deny that they would rather be alone and me living close by in my own apartment. I am giving myself another couple months, four at the most and them I have to get out and give them their normal, quiet lives back.
Next week, Tuesday, will be my 24th birthday and I am a little excited for that. I am just happy to be alive today and I thank God (and Ma and Papa) every day for this life and the air I breathe and the birds in the air and the sun that beats down from the sky that kisses my tan skin. My birthday will be just like every other day except a little more sweet.
I miss my friends dearly (Shane OP, The Dude, Omar, Fred, Natasha, Steph, Nikki P, Cole Travis, Skyler, Katie, Alex Pond, Sam Dotts, A-Rose, DROCK, Rikki, Haley... too many more to put down here) You guys are missed quite dearly and it kills me that I don't get to see you everyday...I would say that we are together in spirit, but that is not good enough for me and I cannot express in words how I truly feel about you guys...
Always,
Maddog
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)