Currently Listening To: Dangers - Messy Isn't It (www.wearedangers.com)
So here we are again...I am not going to be telling any outlandish story about Notre Dame de Namur (sorry they have been so dark, I promise the next one will be a little bit more cheerful) because I have something else on my mind tonight.
I was trying to contact an old friend of mine (doesn't matter who) and I was having trouble getting a response from this person. So, I decided to "break up" with this person and I just spent the last 20 minutes writing several paragraphs to this person telling them why I did not want to be their friend any more (not that we talked much these days) and forget every good memory we made together. I have tried several times to reach out to said person and I have either gotten the "I have been sooo busy..." bullshit or no response at all. We were really tight at one point and now I cannot even get the time of day. I know that I should have been more civil about the things I put in the letter, but I wanted to let said person how i felt and that I am not happy with our current relationship. I am not sure that it was the right thing to do, but i did it and I do not regret sending it.
What I do regret is letting it get to this point. It is probably my fault, but I have tried to reach out and keep our relationship alive somewhat, but some where along the way I gave up, I didn't want to chase some one that wasn't going to respond to me. I guess said person is better off without a crazy asshole like me in their life. Even though this person has added some fuel to my literary fire and I could write something really nasty about this person on here, I am not. I am going to end it here by saying...
Dear ______, Thank you for everything in the past that you have done for me. I hope that your life in _______ is great, I know that you are studying hard and living it up. I wish I could give you one last hug, but I wouldn't let you go. I would squeeze your slender body till I heard your ribs crack and then drop you to the floor and smash your face with my raging fists till it was caved in and nothing but pulp. And I would laugh and laugh and laugh and scream, "Are you happy now are you happy, you dumb ______! Thanks for nothing!!" as your body twitches involuntarily from the brutal beating I wailed down on you.
(Disclaimer: I would just like everyone who reads this regularly to know that that scenario would never happen. I am generally a very peaceful person and I honestly could not hurt any one in real life. But, as many of you know I have a devilishly wild imagination and watch to many horror movies for my own good. Please do not be frightened by the violence portrayed in the previous paragraph please. Thank you.)
On a lighter note, I have been very busy trying to get a job this past week. I filled 27 job apps and had 6 interviews since last Wednesday. I have a second interview tomorrow at "Souplantation" and I am almost positive I will lock it down. I am also working on moving out of Aunt Noella and Ted's place and I think I will be able to do this very soon. Besides that nothing else is going on with me. Just trying to stay fit, eat right (even though I have had two dank breakfast burritos from Rudy's in the past two days) and mentally strong. Some may say that my little outburst above is not positive or strong, but it is my way of letting out emotion. Some people smoke pot and just forget it, some dwell on it and let it ruin their week (or month), but I acknowledge it and move on. I also want to mention that I am officially obsessed with using Skype. Now that I have a rad laptop (thanks mama and papa) I try and do it every day. So far I have Skyped: Natasha w/ Shane OP and Jessica, The Dude, Melissa (who is in France), Courtney (who is in Austria) and of all people in the world, Fred, hahaha, even though it didn't work that well.
Just finish reading Bret Easton Ellis's "American Psycho" and I am now onto Greg Graffin's "Anarchy Evolution". I am looking forward to this week. It is going to be a good one.
I miss you, I wish I were near you...
Always & Forever,
Madisson
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