Currently Listening To: Set Your Goals: This Will Be The Death of Us
It has been almost a week since I had last talked with my buddy Terry. 10 hrs from now it will be exactly one week since I had gotten that horribly tragic phone call from my friend Cassie, trembling, telling me that she think my buddy Terry has pass away. I went onto facebook and Terry's "wall" had only a handful of 'RIP Terry' messages and I was so afraid that I nearly passed out. I called my mother sobbing and did not know what to tell her I just need to be consoled.
This week has been very up and down. Today is not any easier than yesterday. I just want to stop feeling horrible. I cannot stop thinking about you. Everything I do and see reminds me of you. I am really angry too. I wish could have done something...I am not saying I feel responsible. I just wish that you were able to tell me that shit was fucked up. Life is hard...Life is fucking pain! But everything in this life is temporary and pain is one of those things. Unfortunately, this tragedy is not temporary and this pain seems like it may never subside.
I miss you Terry Sukow...I will never forget about you and I will never forgive you.
Love,
Maddog
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
My mother asked me to post this on Terry's "Wall"...
Currently Listening To: Heartsounds - Until We Surrender
...But Facebook would not allow me to post it because it contains too many characters...so I am posting here for her.
In this time of year when we are suppose to feel peace and joy, the news of Terry’s passing has brought us sadness and grief. I write to you, all of Terry’s friends, as a mother of one of you, our son, like many of you met Terry in college.
No doubt many of you have met parents like us. Parents of your friends. You bring your friends home to meet us. We welcome you, and because our kids like you, we automatically like you. We feed you, share stories of life, offer you a bed, or the sofa or the floor, we do your laundry, we like getting to know our kids friends. We get attached too! Please take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. If you are away from home and need anything, go to the parents of your friends. We are here for you and want to help you as we hope that our sons and daughters in other cities far away from home could go to your parents.
Loosing friends is very hard, losing a child is something all together different. If you are near Terry’s home town support his family…if you are far away help your friends who need you. Watch out for them, be their support.
Be safe. All my love, Robyn Marin, Madisson’s mother.
I hope everyone is doing alright and finding positive ways to cope with this tragedy...I love you and miss you all very much
Love,
Maddog
Monday, December 20, 2010
Goodbye Forever...
Currently Listening To: Saves The Day - Under The Boards
Dear Terry,
I didn't know that this life was so hard. I thought that we had discussed this and swore that no matter how bad it got we would never go to this place. But here I am, head in my hands, asking myself how I could have not seen this coming. As much as I want to be sad and just mourn you I cannot help but feel angry. I am angry that I cannot tell you how I feel about what you are putting us through.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
I will never forget the countless road trips, concerts, bars, and house parties where we went off. You helped me a lot over the years to get through the tough times...I will remember you often and smile. I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to spend quality time with you and really got to know you since we first meet during the early Marymount days. I miss you already Terry...my heart is broken. You have made an impact in my life that I can never forget. I love you brethren.
"Pictures fade away, but memory is forever...An empty chair at all the tables..." - NFG
Dear Terry,
I didn't know that this life was so hard. I thought that we had discussed this and swore that no matter how bad it got we would never go to this place. But here I am, head in my hands, asking myself how I could have not seen this coming. As much as I want to be sad and just mourn you I cannot help but feel angry. I am angry that I cannot tell you how I feel about what you are putting us through.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
I will never forget the countless road trips, concerts, bars, and house parties where we went off. You helped me a lot over the years to get through the tough times...I will remember you often and smile. I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to spend quality time with you and really got to know you since we first meet during the early Marymount days. I miss you already Terry...my heart is broken. You have made an impact in my life that I can never forget. I love you brethren.
"Pictures fade away, but memory is forever...An empty chair at all the tables..." - NFG
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Nothing Dreadful...
Currently Listening To: Every Time I Die - Hot Damn!
Out of all the people I knew from high school, Taylor was one of the most well-mannered and friendly guys. He was not incredible social, but those that were close to him knew that he was genuine and would never do anything to bug another person. He was intelligent. When the teacher would call on him in class he was unafraid to speak up and he usually knew the right answer. He generally sat alone at lunch hour in the back of the cafeteria with his headphones on and his head down minding his own business. To me, he was just another character in a sea of personalities.
At school he was tormented. I do not understand why people feel the need to bully other people, but the jocks certainly "got off" on making Taylor's life a living hell and for no reason other than because he was a little different. The guys on the football team would go out of their way to shove him down in the hallways, throw half eaten apples and sandwiches at him during lunch hour, they even went as far as to mess with his P.E. locker, soaking his clothes in water so that he would have to endure the last two class periods with wet pants. I really felt bad for the guy and I told him that he should speak up for himself and try and get some help or some kind of protection for the mental and physical abuse he was taking on a daily basis, but he did not. He let the jocks get away with their actions and to be honest it really pissed me off.
The final straw came when the insensitive prick jocks decided to graffiti all over Taylor's book locker the words "Son of a whore", unknowing that his mom was an angel and had been going through a really tough time in her life, in and out of the hospital doing chemotherapy for stage 3 liver cancer for the past year. This tore Taylor up inside and he was not about to let some pea brained asshole offend his sick mother and get away with it. It was one thing to torment him, but going after his mother was just beyond him. This time he was going to get his revenge, but he was going to do it in the worst, most drastic way possible.
He went home that afternoon steaming mad. He was wanted to show those punks a lesson that they would never forget. After some very irrational thinking he decided that he was going to kill the jocks. He was going to bring his dads handguns to school and he was going to blow them away. At this point any other person would have talked themselves out of doing something so horrible, but he was emotionally drained and was so upset and hurt by their wrongdoings that he did not care of what the consequences would be. While Taylor's mother was out at the hospital having her weekly chemo done and his father at work, the boy snuck into his parents bed room and riffled through his dad's sock drawer until he came upon what he was looking for. He pulled out a large handgun, a Sig Sauer P250, which held .45 caliber hollow point frangible bullets; locked, loaded, and one in the chamber. He held the gun in his hand and stared at it for quite some time, contemplating what he was going to do. He was sure of himself and knew that the jocks had it coming to them. Taylor went back to his room with his dad's pistol and put it in his book bag. He had decided that come fourth period he was going to end three of the jocks lives and thus changing his life and everyone else in that specific class, not to mention the entire school.
The next day Taylor was scared, he was having second thoughts about what he was going to do to the phonies that dared to offend his sick mother. The time that he decided had come and he was so nervous that he was shaking noticeably in class and he was sure that the teacher and everyone around him knew what he was about to do. Sitting at his desk, Taylor reached down into his book bag and took hold of the weapon, but just as he was about to pull out the gun he heard an ear-splitting blast go off in the hallway just outside of the class room that shook the windows. Taylor let go of his grip on the pistol and looked around the room inquisitively at the surrounding people. Everyone was scared and had no idea what was going on. The teacher told everyone to stay put while she went to investigate what had happened just outside of her classroom. Just as she opened the door, the teacher let out a huge scream and began weeping hysterically. In the middle of the hallway the most popular girl in school, Lacey Chapman, lay face down in a pool of blood and grey matter, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The school would learn latter that Lacey had gone off her meds and was under a lot of stress due to being the runner up for "Prom Queen".
Taylor went home later that day and returned the pistol to its rightful place. He was still unhappy with the way he had been treated, but he was going to be rational from then on and attempted to not take things so personally. High School was nearly over anyway and he knew that in a couple of weeks he would no longer have to endure the punkass jocks ever again.
I don't know where Taylor is now or what he is doing with his life, but I am sure that he has moved onto greater things.
(Thanks for reading everyone. I miss you all very much!!!)
Love Always,
Maddog
Out of all the people I knew from high school, Taylor was one of the most well-mannered and friendly guys. He was not incredible social, but those that were close to him knew that he was genuine and would never do anything to bug another person. He was intelligent. When the teacher would call on him in class he was unafraid to speak up and he usually knew the right answer. He generally sat alone at lunch hour in the back of the cafeteria with his headphones on and his head down minding his own business. To me, he was just another character in a sea of personalities.
At school he was tormented. I do not understand why people feel the need to bully other people, but the jocks certainly "got off" on making Taylor's life a living hell and for no reason other than because he was a little different. The guys on the football team would go out of their way to shove him down in the hallways, throw half eaten apples and sandwiches at him during lunch hour, they even went as far as to mess with his P.E. locker, soaking his clothes in water so that he would have to endure the last two class periods with wet pants. I really felt bad for the guy and I told him that he should speak up for himself and try and get some help or some kind of protection for the mental and physical abuse he was taking on a daily basis, but he did not. He let the jocks get away with their actions and to be honest it really pissed me off.
The final straw came when the insensitive prick jocks decided to graffiti all over Taylor's book locker the words "Son of a whore", unknowing that his mom was an angel and had been going through a really tough time in her life, in and out of the hospital doing chemotherapy for stage 3 liver cancer for the past year. This tore Taylor up inside and he was not about to let some pea brained asshole offend his sick mother and get away with it. It was one thing to torment him, but going after his mother was just beyond him. This time he was going to get his revenge, but he was going to do it in the worst, most drastic way possible.
He went home that afternoon steaming mad. He was wanted to show those punks a lesson that they would never forget. After some very irrational thinking he decided that he was going to kill the jocks. He was going to bring his dads handguns to school and he was going to blow them away. At this point any other person would have talked themselves out of doing something so horrible, but he was emotionally drained and was so upset and hurt by their wrongdoings that he did not care of what the consequences would be. While Taylor's mother was out at the hospital having her weekly chemo done and his father at work, the boy snuck into his parents bed room and riffled through his dad's sock drawer until he came upon what he was looking for. He pulled out a large handgun, a Sig Sauer P250, which held .45 caliber hollow point frangible bullets; locked, loaded, and one in the chamber. He held the gun in his hand and stared at it for quite some time, contemplating what he was going to do. He was sure of himself and knew that the jocks had it coming to them. Taylor went back to his room with his dad's pistol and put it in his book bag. He had decided that come fourth period he was going to end three of the jocks lives and thus changing his life and everyone else in that specific class, not to mention the entire school.
The next day Taylor was scared, he was having second thoughts about what he was going to do to the phonies that dared to offend his sick mother. The time that he decided had come and he was so nervous that he was shaking noticeably in class and he was sure that the teacher and everyone around him knew what he was about to do. Sitting at his desk, Taylor reached down into his book bag and took hold of the weapon, but just as he was about to pull out the gun he heard an ear-splitting blast go off in the hallway just outside of the class room that shook the windows. Taylor let go of his grip on the pistol and looked around the room inquisitively at the surrounding people. Everyone was scared and had no idea what was going on. The teacher told everyone to stay put while she went to investigate what had happened just outside of her classroom. Just as she opened the door, the teacher let out a huge scream and began weeping hysterically. In the middle of the hallway the most popular girl in school, Lacey Chapman, lay face down in a pool of blood and grey matter, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The school would learn latter that Lacey had gone off her meds and was under a lot of stress due to being the runner up for "Prom Queen".
Taylor went home later that day and returned the pistol to its rightful place. He was still unhappy with the way he had been treated, but he was going to be rational from then on and attempted to not take things so personally. High School was nearly over anyway and he knew that in a couple of weeks he would no longer have to endure the punkass jocks ever again.
I don't know where Taylor is now or what he is doing with his life, but I am sure that he has moved onto greater things.
(Thanks for reading everyone. I miss you all very much!!!)
Love Always,
Maddog
Monday, December 13, 2010
Reoccurring Grey...
Currently Listening To: Nuns With Guns - EP
Dear My Blog,
I am really sorry I have not been good to you lately. I have been ignoring you for some time now and I really do not feel good about that. It's not that I do not like you anymore (in fact, I love you). I have just been having trouble finding the inspiration to log on and write stories. I forgot that I started this blog to not only create and share my writing, but to use the platform as a release and a place to let out my feelings and emotions. i have to learn that you are not just for story telling. I just feel that the people reading are more interested in the fucked up kids at NDNU rather than my rantings on how "lame" my life is. I will try and take better care of you in the future. I guess it is also in part due to my new job and thus I am more tired and lethargic, but that is no excuse! If I am ever going to become a successful writer I must not put off updating on here. Thank you for putting up with me. I love you.
I hope that everyone has been having a nice December! This past week was very good. Got a lot done in terms of work. Since I started in the last week of November I have been getting more hours and have been receiving very positive feedback from those ranking above me. I am liking my job at Souplantation a lot! Although the job is not very hard it is very rewarding to serve people and make sure everyone of our guests has a wonderful meal. Cant wait to get my hands on that first pay check next week.
Night All!!! Tune in soon for a new creative writing piece...
Dear My Blog,
I am really sorry I have not been good to you lately. I have been ignoring you for some time now and I really do not feel good about that. It's not that I do not like you anymore (in fact, I love you). I have just been having trouble finding the inspiration to log on and write stories. I forgot that I started this blog to not only create and share my writing, but to use the platform as a release and a place to let out my feelings and emotions. i have to learn that you are not just for story telling. I just feel that the people reading are more interested in the fucked up kids at NDNU rather than my rantings on how "lame" my life is. I will try and take better care of you in the future. I guess it is also in part due to my new job and thus I am more tired and lethargic, but that is no excuse! If I am ever going to become a successful writer I must not put off updating on here. Thank you for putting up with me. I love you.
I hope that everyone has been having a nice December! This past week was very good. Got a lot done in terms of work. Since I started in the last week of November I have been getting more hours and have been receiving very positive feedback from those ranking above me. I am liking my job at Souplantation a lot! Although the job is not very hard it is very rewarding to serve people and make sure everyone of our guests has a wonderful meal. Cant wait to get my hands on that first pay check next week.
Night All!!! Tune in soon for a new creative writing piece...
Saturday, December 4, 2010
It Wasn't Gravity...It Was The Witches!
Currently Listening To: Latin For Truth - Eleven Eleven
Hello December...we meet again! I cannot believe that we are already here!!! I really feel like 2010 just started, but we are now getting ready to bring in a new year. I would just like to recall some import events that were very significant in my life which occurred over the last 11 months:
1) January: Spring Classes begin at NDNU (my last semester as an undergrad/pick my topic for my senior thesis).
2) February: Graduation Application Accepted!
3) March: External HD stolen from computer lab at school containing my research and first five pages of my thesis.
4) April: The Bohemian Publication Party (one of our best publications to date, we put our hearts and souls into creating this years journal and we are damn proud of it!).
5) May: College Graduation!!!!! (an hour later we were on a plane heading to Vegas to celebrate) and I finally got out of the "madhouse" I was living in put my stuff in a storage unit and go to live on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
6) June: Vans Warped Tour begins at the end of June (I would be gone for two months on the road traveling with the Riverboat Gamblers, selling skateboards for Hooligan Skate).
7) July: In the thick of it...getting into the grove of touring and having surreal life experiences every day (got to see Mama and Papa Marin in Orlando).
8) August: Warped Tour ends mid month...hang out in LA for a week than head back to the Bay. Currently living back on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
9) September: Start this blog (saves my sanity). Life is not to easy living on a couch.
10) October: Invited to live in San Diego county with Aunt Noella and Uncle Ted. I move mid-month (First time I sleep in a proper bed since May).
11) November: Hang out in Florida for a week. Aunt Maria and Mike marry on Siesta Key. I turn 24 (new laptop obtained)!! Acquire job at Souplantation. First Thanksgiving away from Home.
And now here we are...December. Another first for me is coming up pretty soon. Last year was the first time that the Marin's did not spend the Christmas holiday together. Although, I was fortunate to spend almost 2 weeks hanging out with my brother Alex at his old house in IV, in PV with the Arwin's crazy Persian family, and up in the Bay in Redwood City. It was a really great time to say the least. I feel like Alex and I were able to reconnect as brothers and since then we have not been closer.
This year I will not be spending it with any one in the Marin family. Since I just got this awesome job at Souplantation I don't want take off work so soon. I want to carve myself a niche and establish myself within the politics of the establishment, haha. I will be having Christmas here in Carlsbad, which is not a horrible thing to be honest.Tomorrow we are going to get our tree and for the first time since I really cannot remember when I will be decorating a Christmas Tree. For the first time I am really getting into the Christmas spirit. Yesterday I was taking my first look for gifts I want to get for my close friends and family. I don't know about singing along to any Christmas songs, but I will definitely be belting out The Vandals 'Oi To The World' album on the regular!
This past week I started my new job and I have been really digging it. The management has been noticing that I enjoy to work and I am pumped to be there. I am going to be the best floor staff member that I can be! I am starting to make some new friends through working and that is also making me super happy, finally!
I am so looking forward to what 2011 has in store for me. I hope that it was as good as this year! I miss my friends in the Bay and I miss my family in Florida!
Hello December...we meet again! I cannot believe that we are already here!!! I really feel like 2010 just started, but we are now getting ready to bring in a new year. I would just like to recall some import events that were very significant in my life which occurred over the last 11 months:
1) January: Spring Classes begin at NDNU (my last semester as an undergrad/pick my topic for my senior thesis).
2) February: Graduation Application Accepted!
3) March: External HD stolen from computer lab at school containing my research and first five pages of my thesis.
4) April: The Bohemian Publication Party (one of our best publications to date, we put our hearts and souls into creating this years journal and we are damn proud of it!).
5) May: College Graduation!!!!! (an hour later we were on a plane heading to Vegas to celebrate) and I finally got out of the "madhouse" I was living in put my stuff in a storage unit and go to live on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
6) June: Vans Warped Tour begins at the end of June (I would be gone for two months on the road traveling with the Riverboat Gamblers, selling skateboards for Hooligan Skate).
7) July: In the thick of it...getting into the grove of touring and having surreal life experiences every day (got to see Mama and Papa Marin in Orlando).
8) August: Warped Tour ends mid month...hang out in LA for a week than head back to the Bay. Currently living back on the couch at the "trailer" in Redwood City.
9) September: Start this blog (saves my sanity). Life is not to easy living on a couch.
10) October: Invited to live in San Diego county with Aunt Noella and Uncle Ted. I move mid-month (First time I sleep in a proper bed since May).
11) November: Hang out in Florida for a week. Aunt Maria and Mike marry on Siesta Key. I turn 24 (new laptop obtained)!! Acquire job at Souplantation. First Thanksgiving away from Home.
And now here we are...December. Another first for me is coming up pretty soon. Last year was the first time that the Marin's did not spend the Christmas holiday together. Although, I was fortunate to spend almost 2 weeks hanging out with my brother Alex at his old house in IV, in PV with the Arwin's crazy Persian family, and up in the Bay in Redwood City. It was a really great time to say the least. I feel like Alex and I were able to reconnect as brothers and since then we have not been closer.
This year I will not be spending it with any one in the Marin family. Since I just got this awesome job at Souplantation I don't want take off work so soon. I want to carve myself a niche and establish myself within the politics of the establishment, haha. I will be having Christmas here in Carlsbad, which is not a horrible thing to be honest.Tomorrow we are going to get our tree and for the first time since I really cannot remember when I will be decorating a Christmas Tree. For the first time I am really getting into the Christmas spirit. Yesterday I was taking my first look for gifts I want to get for my close friends and family. I don't know about singing along to any Christmas songs, but I will definitely be belting out The Vandals 'Oi To The World' album on the regular!
This past week I started my new job and I have been really digging it. The management has been noticing that I enjoy to work and I am pumped to be there. I am going to be the best floor staff member that I can be! I am starting to make some new friends through working and that is also making me super happy, finally!
I am so looking forward to what 2011 has in store for me. I hope that it was as good as this year! I miss my friends in the Bay and I miss my family in Florida!
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