"Throwing Away My Empty Cup..."

Currently Listening To: Sundowner - Four One Five Two

I know, I know...Another full week without me updating on here. I am not going to apologize because I have been quite busy and I know I have let down my readers who have expectations of me and I will tell you that you need to loose your expectations. If you do not have expectations you will never be let down...think about it.

I am going to say something here and I know that I will get criticised for it because people very close to me read this and they care about me and will ask me whats wrong...I am sick and tired of being alone. It seems that everyone these days has someone special in his or her life and I am super jealous. I know that you cannot just solve a problem like that easily, but it is just distressing. I want someone to hold and be all mine. I am not seeking anything fake, like sex and something purely physical. I want someone to confide in, someone to be there for me when I need to get out my frustration and understand me. People will say, "Madisson, you are just going through a phase and it will pass. What you are feeling is only temporary..." This "temporary" feeling has been around for long enough to still get on my nerves. I am happy I moved to San Diego and I have some stability in my life...but I am so fucking lonely!

On a lighter note, I am in Florida with the family and I couldn't be happier getting this opportunity to spend time with them. I haven't been back to visit since last March and it feels great. I have been doing yoga ever morning with Ma since I got here and eating delicious food, and boating and just having fun before I have to go to my monotonous life in San Diego. I am still jobless and it makes me feel like shit. When I get back I have to make getting a job my job. I thank God that I have my extended family supporting me, giving me a place to live and all, but I feel like I am wearing on my Aunt's life. She and her husband haven't been married all that long and know with me being there I feel as if I am imposing on their lives. They would tell you that they love having me, but they cannot deny that they would rather be alone and me living close by in my own apartment. I am giving myself another couple months, four at the most and them I have to get out and give them their normal, quiet lives back.

Next week, Tuesday, will be my 24th birthday and I am a little excited for that. I am just happy to be alive today and I thank God (and Ma and Papa) every day for this life and the air I breathe and the birds in the air and the sun that beats down from the sky that kisses my tan skin. My birthday will be just like every other day except a little more sweet.

I miss my friends dearly (Shane OP, The Dude, Omar, Fred, Natasha, Steph, Nikki P,  Cole Travis, Skyler, Katie, Alex Pond, Sam Dotts, A-Rose, DROCK, Rikki, Haley... too many more to put down here) You guys are missed quite dearly and it kills me that I don't get to see you everyday...I would say that we are together in spirit, but that is not good enough for me and I cannot express in words how I truly feel about you guys...

Always,
Maddog