Currently Listening To: Alkaline Trio - Good Mourning
I just got home from the Souplantation and my feet are killing me. Good night spent making pretty salads...no problems! Today was especially fun because in all honesty we were not busy. Monday nights are a fine evening to dine at our restaurant because it doesn't feel so much like a Zoo...
Working on a couple of projects right now that include: editing an autobiography for a new friend (more to come on that subject), a creative writing piece concerning the subject of the "Jamestown Massacre", Revisions of "Untitled for Terry", also trying to figure out what I will be submitting to NDNU's 2011 edition of the "Bohemian" literary journal.
Everything is pretty good here in North County.
I miss all my friends very much (all you wonderful people spread about the country)...I miss The Marin's even more!
Be Easy,
Maddog
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
"Bartender!!! Bring Me a Bottle of Jameson with Terry's Name on It...Right Meow!!!!"
Currently Listening To: Karate - Unsolved
Chances are you are not going to have a clue as to the context of the title of this blog...And I find that quite amusing!! Here are a few lines about our dear friend Terry that I wrote down just the other afternoon...I needed some time to make sure I actually wanted to post it. After reading it a few times I am finally happy with it, but I know that it is NOT finished. I will end up doing more work on it sometime soon, but until then please enjoy these few lines.
Love,
Madisson
"Untitled for Terry"
You are gone and I remain here
Trapped under ice, cold and alone.
Why did you have to leave us?
"The cowards way out"
Is what you called it.
Was this life such a bad thing?
Although life is a daily grind
We fight to see the sunset everyday.
Now that you are gone
I feel like a jigsaw puzzle,
nearly finished, but missing
The last piece in the middle.
A gap; A void
Which will never be filled
By any other person
Than You.
Chances are you are not going to have a clue as to the context of the title of this blog...And I find that quite amusing!! Here are a few lines about our dear friend Terry that I wrote down just the other afternoon...I needed some time to make sure I actually wanted to post it. After reading it a few times I am finally happy with it, but I know that it is NOT finished. I will end up doing more work on it sometime soon, but until then please enjoy these few lines.
Love,
Madisson
"Untitled for Terry"
You are gone and I remain here
Trapped under ice, cold and alone.
Why did you have to leave us?
"The cowards way out"
Is what you called it.
Was this life such a bad thing?
Although life is a daily grind
We fight to see the sunset everyday.
Now that you are gone
I feel like a jigsaw puzzle,
nearly finished, but missing
The last piece in the middle.
A gap; A void
Which will never be filled
By any other person
Than You.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
This Is Your Life...
Currently Listening To: Propagandhi -Supporting Caste
As of late, I have not been able to come up with anything creative to put on here and it makes me feel like an utter failure. This is not a positive way to ring in a new year, but I just cannot figure it out. The tragic passing of our dear friend Terry has me all torn up inside. Everything I do reminds me of him...I cannot believe that I have writers block so bad. I generally produce some of my best work when I am unhappy, but this is much more than just a mood that I am feeling.
Since Terry has left us, I have a constant feeling of emptiness which consumes me. Fortunately I am able to sleep at night, but when I am awake he is the only thought in my head. To say that I am sad is a complete and total understatement. I know that I am suffering from depression and what I would usually do is write, but I cannot do it.
All I want to do is cry and be with my close friends...
My friend Cassie suggested to me that I should "talk" to Terry to ease the pain. I went for a walk on my favorite near by trail, took my headphones out of my ears and started a conversation with Terry. I told him how much I miss him and I wish I understood everything going on with him before the horrible incident. I expressed my deep regret for not being able to attend his funeral and I began to cry. I utterly broke down and sobbed and sobbed without caring if anyone would see me. After some time I regained my composer, whipped my tears and stuck the headphones back in my ears and carried on with my walk feeling a little bit better.
Everyday is a constant struggle..
I apologize that my blog has been lagging, but hopefully after a little bit more time I will be able to return to posting creative writing projects. I am looking forward to a very positive 2011 year filled with lots of laughs, good times, and good friends...Happy New Year friends and family.
love,
Madisson
As of late, I have not been able to come up with anything creative to put on here and it makes me feel like an utter failure. This is not a positive way to ring in a new year, but I just cannot figure it out. The tragic passing of our dear friend Terry has me all torn up inside. Everything I do reminds me of him...I cannot believe that I have writers block so bad. I generally produce some of my best work when I am unhappy, but this is much more than just a mood that I am feeling.
Since Terry has left us, I have a constant feeling of emptiness which consumes me. Fortunately I am able to sleep at night, but when I am awake he is the only thought in my head. To say that I am sad is a complete and total understatement. I know that I am suffering from depression and what I would usually do is write, but I cannot do it.
All I want to do is cry and be with my close friends...
My friend Cassie suggested to me that I should "talk" to Terry to ease the pain. I went for a walk on my favorite near by trail, took my headphones out of my ears and started a conversation with Terry. I told him how much I miss him and I wish I understood everything going on with him before the horrible incident. I expressed my deep regret for not being able to attend his funeral and I began to cry. I utterly broke down and sobbed and sobbed without caring if anyone would see me. After some time I regained my composer, whipped my tears and stuck the headphones back in my ears and carried on with my walk feeling a little bit better.
Everyday is a constant struggle..
I apologize that my blog has been lagging, but hopefully after a little bit more time I will be able to return to posting creative writing projects. I am looking forward to a very positive 2011 year filled with lots of laughs, good times, and good friends...Happy New Year friends and family.
love,
Madisson
Monday, December 27, 2010
Its Colder Here Without You...
Currently Listening To: Set Your Goals: This Will Be The Death of Us
It has been almost a week since I had last talked with my buddy Terry. 10 hrs from now it will be exactly one week since I had gotten that horribly tragic phone call from my friend Cassie, trembling, telling me that she think my buddy Terry has pass away. I went onto facebook and Terry's "wall" had only a handful of 'RIP Terry' messages and I was so afraid that I nearly passed out. I called my mother sobbing and did not know what to tell her I just need to be consoled.
This week has been very up and down. Today is not any easier than yesterday. I just want to stop feeling horrible. I cannot stop thinking about you. Everything I do and see reminds me of you. I am really angry too. I wish could have done something...I am not saying I feel responsible. I just wish that you were able to tell me that shit was fucked up. Life is hard...Life is fucking pain! But everything in this life is temporary and pain is one of those things. Unfortunately, this tragedy is not temporary and this pain seems like it may never subside.
I miss you Terry Sukow...I will never forget about you and I will never forgive you.
Love,
Maddog
It has been almost a week since I had last talked with my buddy Terry. 10 hrs from now it will be exactly one week since I had gotten that horribly tragic phone call from my friend Cassie, trembling, telling me that she think my buddy Terry has pass away. I went onto facebook and Terry's "wall" had only a handful of 'RIP Terry' messages and I was so afraid that I nearly passed out. I called my mother sobbing and did not know what to tell her I just need to be consoled.
This week has been very up and down. Today is not any easier than yesterday. I just want to stop feeling horrible. I cannot stop thinking about you. Everything I do and see reminds me of you. I am really angry too. I wish could have done something...I am not saying I feel responsible. I just wish that you were able to tell me that shit was fucked up. Life is hard...Life is fucking pain! But everything in this life is temporary and pain is one of those things. Unfortunately, this tragedy is not temporary and this pain seems like it may never subside.
I miss you Terry Sukow...I will never forget about you and I will never forgive you.
Love,
Maddog
Thursday, December 23, 2010
My mother asked me to post this on Terry's "Wall"...
Currently Listening To: Heartsounds - Until We Surrender
...But Facebook would not allow me to post it because it contains too many characters...so I am posting here for her.
In this time of year when we are suppose to feel peace and joy, the news of Terry’s passing has brought us sadness and grief. I write to you, all of Terry’s friends, as a mother of one of you, our son, like many of you met Terry in college.
No doubt many of you have met parents like us. Parents of your friends. You bring your friends home to meet us. We welcome you, and because our kids like you, we automatically like you. We feed you, share stories of life, offer you a bed, or the sofa or the floor, we do your laundry, we like getting to know our kids friends. We get attached too! Please take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. If you are away from home and need anything, go to the parents of your friends. We are here for you and want to help you as we hope that our sons and daughters in other cities far away from home could go to your parents.
Loosing friends is very hard, losing a child is something all together different. If you are near Terry’s home town support his family…if you are far away help your friends who need you. Watch out for them, be their support.
Be safe. All my love, Robyn Marin, Madisson’s mother.
I hope everyone is doing alright and finding positive ways to cope with this tragedy...I love you and miss you all very much
Love,
Maddog
Monday, December 20, 2010
Goodbye Forever...
Currently Listening To: Saves The Day - Under The Boards
Dear Terry,
I didn't know that this life was so hard. I thought that we had discussed this and swore that no matter how bad it got we would never go to this place. But here I am, head in my hands, asking myself how I could have not seen this coming. As much as I want to be sad and just mourn you I cannot help but feel angry. I am angry that I cannot tell you how I feel about what you are putting us through.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
I will never forget the countless road trips, concerts, bars, and house parties where we went off. You helped me a lot over the years to get through the tough times...I will remember you often and smile. I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to spend quality time with you and really got to know you since we first meet during the early Marymount days. I miss you already Terry...my heart is broken. You have made an impact in my life that I can never forget. I love you brethren.
"Pictures fade away, but memory is forever...An empty chair at all the tables..." - NFG
Dear Terry,
I didn't know that this life was so hard. I thought that we had discussed this and swore that no matter how bad it got we would never go to this place. But here I am, head in my hands, asking myself how I could have not seen this coming. As much as I want to be sad and just mourn you I cannot help but feel angry. I am angry that I cannot tell you how I feel about what you are putting us through.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
I will never forget the countless road trips, concerts, bars, and house parties where we went off. You helped me a lot over the years to get through the tough times...I will remember you often and smile. I feel blessed that I had the opportunity to spend quality time with you and really got to know you since we first meet during the early Marymount days. I miss you already Terry...my heart is broken. You have made an impact in my life that I can never forget. I love you brethren.
"Pictures fade away, but memory is forever...An empty chair at all the tables..." - NFG
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Nothing Dreadful...
Currently Listening To: Every Time I Die - Hot Damn!
Out of all the people I knew from high school, Taylor was one of the most well-mannered and friendly guys. He was not incredible social, but those that were close to him knew that he was genuine and would never do anything to bug another person. He was intelligent. When the teacher would call on him in class he was unafraid to speak up and he usually knew the right answer. He generally sat alone at lunch hour in the back of the cafeteria with his headphones on and his head down minding his own business. To me, he was just another character in a sea of personalities.
At school he was tormented. I do not understand why people feel the need to bully other people, but the jocks certainly "got off" on making Taylor's life a living hell and for no reason other than because he was a little different. The guys on the football team would go out of their way to shove him down in the hallways, throw half eaten apples and sandwiches at him during lunch hour, they even went as far as to mess with his P.E. locker, soaking his clothes in water so that he would have to endure the last two class periods with wet pants. I really felt bad for the guy and I told him that he should speak up for himself and try and get some help or some kind of protection for the mental and physical abuse he was taking on a daily basis, but he did not. He let the jocks get away with their actions and to be honest it really pissed me off.
The final straw came when the insensitive prick jocks decided to graffiti all over Taylor's book locker the words "Son of a whore", unknowing that his mom was an angel and had been going through a really tough time in her life, in and out of the hospital doing chemotherapy for stage 3 liver cancer for the past year. This tore Taylor up inside and he was not about to let some pea brained asshole offend his sick mother and get away with it. It was one thing to torment him, but going after his mother was just beyond him. This time he was going to get his revenge, but he was going to do it in the worst, most drastic way possible.
He went home that afternoon steaming mad. He was wanted to show those punks a lesson that they would never forget. After some very irrational thinking he decided that he was going to kill the jocks. He was going to bring his dads handguns to school and he was going to blow them away. At this point any other person would have talked themselves out of doing something so horrible, but he was emotionally drained and was so upset and hurt by their wrongdoings that he did not care of what the consequences would be. While Taylor's mother was out at the hospital having her weekly chemo done and his father at work, the boy snuck into his parents bed room and riffled through his dad's sock drawer until he came upon what he was looking for. He pulled out a large handgun, a Sig Sauer P250, which held .45 caliber hollow point frangible bullets; locked, loaded, and one in the chamber. He held the gun in his hand and stared at it for quite some time, contemplating what he was going to do. He was sure of himself and knew that the jocks had it coming to them. Taylor went back to his room with his dad's pistol and put it in his book bag. He had decided that come fourth period he was going to end three of the jocks lives and thus changing his life and everyone else in that specific class, not to mention the entire school.
The next day Taylor was scared, he was having second thoughts about what he was going to do to the phonies that dared to offend his sick mother. The time that he decided had come and he was so nervous that he was shaking noticeably in class and he was sure that the teacher and everyone around him knew what he was about to do. Sitting at his desk, Taylor reached down into his book bag and took hold of the weapon, but just as he was about to pull out the gun he heard an ear-splitting blast go off in the hallway just outside of the class room that shook the windows. Taylor let go of his grip on the pistol and looked around the room inquisitively at the surrounding people. Everyone was scared and had no idea what was going on. The teacher told everyone to stay put while she went to investigate what had happened just outside of her classroom. Just as she opened the door, the teacher let out a huge scream and began weeping hysterically. In the middle of the hallway the most popular girl in school, Lacey Chapman, lay face down in a pool of blood and grey matter, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The school would learn latter that Lacey had gone off her meds and was under a lot of stress due to being the runner up for "Prom Queen".
Taylor went home later that day and returned the pistol to its rightful place. He was still unhappy with the way he had been treated, but he was going to be rational from then on and attempted to not take things so personally. High School was nearly over anyway and he knew that in a couple of weeks he would no longer have to endure the punkass jocks ever again.
I don't know where Taylor is now or what he is doing with his life, but I am sure that he has moved onto greater things.
(Thanks for reading everyone. I miss you all very much!!!)
Love Always,
Maddog
Out of all the people I knew from high school, Taylor was one of the most well-mannered and friendly guys. He was not incredible social, but those that were close to him knew that he was genuine and would never do anything to bug another person. He was intelligent. When the teacher would call on him in class he was unafraid to speak up and he usually knew the right answer. He generally sat alone at lunch hour in the back of the cafeteria with his headphones on and his head down minding his own business. To me, he was just another character in a sea of personalities.
At school he was tormented. I do not understand why people feel the need to bully other people, but the jocks certainly "got off" on making Taylor's life a living hell and for no reason other than because he was a little different. The guys on the football team would go out of their way to shove him down in the hallways, throw half eaten apples and sandwiches at him during lunch hour, they even went as far as to mess with his P.E. locker, soaking his clothes in water so that he would have to endure the last two class periods with wet pants. I really felt bad for the guy and I told him that he should speak up for himself and try and get some help or some kind of protection for the mental and physical abuse he was taking on a daily basis, but he did not. He let the jocks get away with their actions and to be honest it really pissed me off.
The final straw came when the insensitive prick jocks decided to graffiti all over Taylor's book locker the words "Son of a whore", unknowing that his mom was an angel and had been going through a really tough time in her life, in and out of the hospital doing chemotherapy for stage 3 liver cancer for the past year. This tore Taylor up inside and he was not about to let some pea brained asshole offend his sick mother and get away with it. It was one thing to torment him, but going after his mother was just beyond him. This time he was going to get his revenge, but he was going to do it in the worst, most drastic way possible.
He went home that afternoon steaming mad. He was wanted to show those punks a lesson that they would never forget. After some very irrational thinking he decided that he was going to kill the jocks. He was going to bring his dads handguns to school and he was going to blow them away. At this point any other person would have talked themselves out of doing something so horrible, but he was emotionally drained and was so upset and hurt by their wrongdoings that he did not care of what the consequences would be. While Taylor's mother was out at the hospital having her weekly chemo done and his father at work, the boy snuck into his parents bed room and riffled through his dad's sock drawer until he came upon what he was looking for. He pulled out a large handgun, a Sig Sauer P250, which held .45 caliber hollow point frangible bullets; locked, loaded, and one in the chamber. He held the gun in his hand and stared at it for quite some time, contemplating what he was going to do. He was sure of himself and knew that the jocks had it coming to them. Taylor went back to his room with his dad's pistol and put it in his book bag. He had decided that come fourth period he was going to end three of the jocks lives and thus changing his life and everyone else in that specific class, not to mention the entire school.
The next day Taylor was scared, he was having second thoughts about what he was going to do to the phonies that dared to offend his sick mother. The time that he decided had come and he was so nervous that he was shaking noticeably in class and he was sure that the teacher and everyone around him knew what he was about to do. Sitting at his desk, Taylor reached down into his book bag and took hold of the weapon, but just as he was about to pull out the gun he heard an ear-splitting blast go off in the hallway just outside of the class room that shook the windows. Taylor let go of his grip on the pistol and looked around the room inquisitively at the surrounding people. Everyone was scared and had no idea what was going on. The teacher told everyone to stay put while she went to investigate what had happened just outside of her classroom. Just as she opened the door, the teacher let out a huge scream and began weeping hysterically. In the middle of the hallway the most popular girl in school, Lacey Chapman, lay face down in a pool of blood and grey matter, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The school would learn latter that Lacey had gone off her meds and was under a lot of stress due to being the runner up for "Prom Queen".
Taylor went home later that day and returned the pistol to its rightful place. He was still unhappy with the way he had been treated, but he was going to be rational from then on and attempted to not take things so personally. High School was nearly over anyway and he knew that in a couple of weeks he would no longer have to endure the punkass jocks ever again.
I don't know where Taylor is now or what he is doing with his life, but I am sure that he has moved onto greater things.
(Thanks for reading everyone. I miss you all very much!!!)
Love Always,
Maddog
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