Currently Listening To: Propagandhi -Supporting Caste
As of late, I have not been able to come up with anything creative to put on here and it makes me feel like an utter failure. This is not a positive way to ring in a new year, but I just cannot figure it out. The tragic passing of our dear friend Terry has me all torn up inside. Everything I do reminds me of him...I cannot believe that I have writers block so bad. I generally produce some of my best work when I am unhappy, but this is much more than just a mood that I am feeling.
Since Terry has left us, I have a constant feeling of emptiness which consumes me. Fortunately I am able to sleep at night, but when I am awake he is the only thought in my head. To say that I am sad is a complete and total understatement. I know that I am suffering from depression and what I would usually do is write, but I cannot do it.
All I want to do is cry and be with my close friends...
My friend Cassie suggested to me that I should "talk" to Terry to ease the pain. I went for a walk on my favorite near by trail, took my headphones out of my ears and started a conversation with Terry. I told him how much I miss him and I wish I understood everything going on with him before the horrible incident. I expressed my deep regret for not being able to attend his funeral and I began to cry. I utterly broke down and sobbed and sobbed without caring if anyone would see me. After some time I regained my composer, whipped my tears and stuck the headphones back in my ears and carried on with my walk feeling a little bit better.
Everyday is a constant struggle..
I apologize that my blog has been lagging, but hopefully after a little bit more time I will be able to return to posting creative writing projects. I am looking forward to a very positive 2011 year filled with lots of laughs, good times, and good friends...Happy New Year friends and family.
love,
Madisson
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