Time To Get Personal...

Currently Listening To: Between the Buried And Me - The Great Misdirect

Every since I started writing, my favorite pieces to produce have been poems. I use poetry as a means to let out my emotions. In today's blog I am going to step out of my comfort zone and share a couple of pieces with you all that I have not shown any body till this date. I do not know if you will think they are any good, but I wrote them and I am proud of them.

Before you read them I am going to extend a warning...When I wrote these pieces I was in a very dark place (figuratively, not literally) with my depression. Through my poetry, I am able to get out frustration and anger constructively and not destructively. Please do not let my creativity worry you...thanks for reading!

love,
maddog

(Untitled)
June 23, 2010

I rage my fists against the ground

Beating them to bloody stumps

My brain swells up

Like a bloated body, rotting in the summer sun

As I allow the vision of you to seep into

The crevices of my mind

I hate every inch of you and everything you stand for

You make me cringe as I reflect upon yr visit

My stomach feels turned inside out

Bulging with bitterness

I must be sick to believe

Yr intensions were meant to cause me suffering

But I must end this horrible feeling

Soon I will be with you [Anne*]

Laughing at how childish my situation turned out

This could have all been resolved with something as simple as a phone call

*Anne Sexton

Depression (not a final draft)

February 2010

I want blood to drip

From my hands

Open my skin and let my life liquid

Run out of me like an angry drunk

Runs from the bar at last call.

Ill slam my fists into tables

And chairs just to put a smile

On my face.

As hard as I punch I cannot

Rid myself of the painful demon

Who whispers in my ear,

Taunting me,

"Yr not good enough",

"You ugly fuck!"

I crush my head onto the floor
Praying my demon will curb

Stomp me out of my misery,

But nothing happens.

I lye waiting,

for nothing.

If only I had the balls

To stomp myself out,

Would I be at peace then?

I cannot even sit

And enjoy TV

Without feeling like

I want to gouge

My eyes out.

Please come over

And help me break

My fingers and toes

One bye One...

Crunch by Crunch.

I would be happy then

I am completely healthy,

But I feel totally sick...

Sick of feeling sorry

For myself,

Sick of feeling trapped...

I'm sick of feeling.

So many things to do,

But I cannot prioritize

A single one.

I am to angry and

To awkward

To figure anything out.

I just sit here,

Steaming and puffing,

Contemplating ways

To hurt myself...

1) Cut out my tongue?

2) Slash my leg tendons?

3) Inject myself with bleach?

Fuck it,  just keep watching TV.