Holy Sh*t!!

Currently Listening To: The Bouncing Souls - Ghosts On The Boardwalk

I would like to start today by thanking everyone who has been reading my blog. I have been getting nice reviews from several people and I would just like to say that it means so much to me that you are participating in this creative adventure with me. From the bottom of my heart thank you! I hope that you will continue to read and comment and I promise that I will always try and keep this updated and never a waste of yr time. With that said...

Today I would like to share a story with you guys today. This past weekend, here in the bay area, a 23 year old woman was driving drunk on the HWY 101 going north on the southbound side of the freeway. She finally came to a stop in the middle of the freeway and another motorist left his vehicle to help. They were both hit by a limo and thrown to the opposite side of the hwy where they were hit by multiple cars. Super fucking sad! This reminded me of something of a similar story of some people I know from down south.

It was 2006 and I was in the middle of my Sophomore year at a school called, Marymount College. There was a huge party being thrown down in the OC by one of the students at the school. Her name is Lauren. All you need to know about this girl is that she is a trust-fund baby, enough said. We (that's me, Arlo, Terry, Calvin, and Tyler) left PV around 8:30pm, stopped by PV Liquor to say, "what's up?!", to Sonny and Arthur and pick up several "30 racks" because we knew we should bring our own beer to play pong and because that was the only place around we knew that would sell us liquor, yes we were minors at the time and we were best friends with the owners of the shop, shady but rad. We got down to Newport around 9:30pm and the party had just began to start ragging. The house had a beautiful drive way lined with palm trees, other exotic looking bushes and flowers, along with the countless Mercedes' and BMW's (spoiled ass kids!). The party was not just taking place inside the house but in the front driveway,  freshmen were taking turns doing keg stands from two different kegs that were positioned on the huge front lawn where more people were playing bocce ball, casually smoking joints and cigarettes. We hung out outside for some time before Calvin, Arlo, and I moved inside to see what else was going on. It was an outright rave going on inside this chicks mansion on the cliffs in Newport. Not a single light on was in the house. The only light was that of multi-colored flashing lights from a DJ setup and enough strobe lights to give you an epileptic seizure. The drug of choice that night was definitely Ecstasy. People were in groups on the floor in the living room lying in piles on top of one another writhing as if having a full body orgasm. It was really weird so I left Calvin and Arlo and went to see what else this party had to offer. I walked up a giant flight of spiral stairs looking for some place quiet to take a leak and accidentally walked into a room where three people were having sex on the floor, i guess they couldn't wait to get into bed, haha! I didn't stay long, that's just rude, so I walked down the hallway some more where I finally found the bathroom. As I washed my hand I noticed a small baggie on the floor next to the sink. I picked it up and discovered that it was cocaine. I had no idea what to do with it. Their was a substantial amount of powder in this baggie and I had a feeling that who ever lost their drugs would notice they had lost it and come back looking for it, so I put it right back where I had found it. I went back downstairs to the front yard where I heard screaming, a group of people had gathered together to watch what was going on. Christie (a girl I shared English 1240 with) and her boyfriend, James, were in a furious argument. Let me back up for a moment...Christie was using the restroom while James waited for her downstairs. She came back to find her boyfriend making out with another girl (I think she was a Freshman) in the living room where the rave-orgy was taking place. Christie, now enraged, turns her boyfriend around and proceeds to hit her man in the face multiple times. The music blaring on as the couple cause a massive scene that eventually leads out to the front yard. They are screaming at the top of their lungs at each other, tears pouring out of her eyes, mascara running down her checks, it was apparent that they were fucked up, but none of us realized how messed up they actually were, which we would come to regret the next morning. They ended up leaving together in the limo they had arrived in, this was the last time we would see Christie alive, we just didn't know it yet.

I woke up around 11am the next morning in someones bed, next to some girl i have never seen before in my life. I was relieved to find out that both of our clothes were still on and came to the conclusion that nothing "serious" had happened. I walked downstairs and found Arlo, Calvin, and Tyler asleep in a pile of bodies in the rave-orgy-living room. I told them to be ready in five minutes because we had to get ready for our own Sunday BBQ. I went to look for our missing man, Terry. After I searched every possible place to pass out in the house, I decided to take a walk around the outside to see if he was there. No sign of him in the front yard so I walked around to the back of the house. I found my boy Terry face down in the lawn sleeping next to some tiny little blond thing in a pink polka dotted dress. They were so addorable, it made me want to puke, so I woke Terry's ass up and dragged his ass into the car, we were on the road back to PV, finally. We were on the 405 heading northbound when we hit the traffic. Not that it was a big deal to be in traffic in southern California, but this was some traffic that we have never experienced before. The car did not move for a good 3 hours and when we did move it was at a snails pace in a single file line, something very serious was going on just ahead of us. When we reach the scene we were not really able to see all that much, but we saw police, a limo, a couple cars and what looked like a Hazmat team working on the road, it was kind of a freaky scene to be honest. When we finally got home I immediately turned on the news because a pile up like that does not escape the public eye in LA. The traffic had been so bad that day because their was a fatality on the freeway in the early morning. The news was reporting that a young college girl had been partying with her boyfriend all night and on their ride home they were in a wild fight, (this was relayed info from the driver of the limo) yelling about cheating and lost drugs, the female ended up opening the limo door on the freeway, leaving the vehicle while traveling 65 mph. It was finally too clear to me and I fell to the floor on my knees. That was Christie's bag of drugs I found on the bathroom floor at the party and that was her dead body being cleaned up on the freeway. I ran to my bathroom and proceeded to throw-up.

I would like to apologize about sharing that horrible story. I would just like to let you in on a little secret. That whole story was fabricated. I made up the whole thing, pretty much. Christie is a girl I made up in my head, sorry folks. I got the idea to write that story from an actual event that took place in Orange County several years ago. You got to admit though, I have a good imagination!

love,
maddog

Time To Get Personal...

Currently Listening To: Between the Buried And Me - The Great Misdirect

Every since I started writing, my favorite pieces to produce have been poems. I use poetry as a means to let out my emotions. In today's blog I am going to step out of my comfort zone and share a couple of pieces with you all that I have not shown any body till this date. I do not know if you will think they are any good, but I wrote them and I am proud of them.

Before you read them I am going to extend a warning...When I wrote these pieces I was in a very dark place (figuratively, not literally) with my depression. Through my poetry, I am able to get out frustration and anger constructively and not destructively. Please do not let my creativity worry you...thanks for reading!

love,
maddog

(Untitled)
June 23, 2010

I rage my fists against the ground

Beating them to bloody stumps

My brain swells up

Like a bloated body, rotting in the summer sun

As I allow the vision of you to seep into

The crevices of my mind

I hate every inch of you and everything you stand for

You make me cringe as I reflect upon yr visit

My stomach feels turned inside out

Bulging with bitterness

I must be sick to believe

Yr intensions were meant to cause me suffering

But I must end this horrible feeling

Soon I will be with you [Anne*]

Laughing at how childish my situation turned out

This could have all been resolved with something as simple as a phone call

*Anne Sexton

Depression (not a final draft)

February 2010

I want blood to drip

From my hands

Open my skin and let my life liquid

Run out of me like an angry drunk

Runs from the bar at last call.

Ill slam my fists into tables

And chairs just to put a smile

On my face.

As hard as I punch I cannot

Rid myself of the painful demon

Who whispers in my ear,

Taunting me,

"Yr not good enough",

"You ugly fuck!"

I crush my head onto the floor
Praying my demon will curb

Stomp me out of my misery,

But nothing happens.

I lye waiting,

for nothing.

If only I had the balls

To stomp myself out,

Would I be at peace then?

I cannot even sit

And enjoy TV

Without feeling like

I want to gouge

My eyes out.

Please come over

And help me break

My fingers and toes

One bye One...

Crunch by Crunch.

I would be happy then

I am completely healthy,

But I feel totally sick...

Sick of feeling sorry

For myself,

Sick of feeling trapped...

I'm sick of feeling.

So many things to do,

But I cannot prioritize

A single one.

I am to angry and

To awkward

To figure anything out.

I just sit here,

Steaming and puffing,

Contemplating ways

To hurt myself...

1) Cut out my tongue?

2) Slash my leg tendons?

3) Inject myself with bleach?

Fuck it,  just keep watching TV.

"MTV - Get Off The Air!"

Currently Listening To: This Is A Standoff! - Be Disappointed
Currently Reading: The Rules of Attraction - Bret Easton Ellis

I guess I will start today's blog with a something random... I love cruising iTunes for new music. Even though I would much rather go to Amoeba or Rasputin and waste hours going through their library, its much easier to find music that I want immediately and also discover music I should have been listening to a year ago. I just discovered the melodic punk band "This Is A Standoff!". Their album Be Disappointed brings me back to the first time I heard "Living With Lions", totally addictive positive melodic pop-punk. With fast driving beats and precision drumming along with catchy, but not cheesy lyrics this album is a definite add to yr library.


Now that i got that out of the way we can go on to discuss something far more interesting, maybe...

I am seriously sick of MTV and the bullshit they try and sell to their viewers. You may be asking yrself, "What is the problem with MTV? They have genuine original and entertaining programing." WRONG! Last night I was watching Monday Night Football, specifically Chargers v. Chiefs, when my buddy Marvin decides to change the channel to The VMA's (for those of you living under a rock that stands for Video Music Awards). Se did not get to watch it on Sunday so he decided that we needed to watch. First off in the defense of MTV, I am not their "target audience" (that being 15 year old girls), but they are really not producing anything of substance. Look at the people up for awards the other night 30 Seconds To Mars, Drake, Justin Bieber, and the biggest spaz of all Lady Gaga. What makes these artists so specials, SERIOUSLY!! I want to hear the argument justifying the careers of these so called "musicians". My mustache has more charisma then that wanna-be Jared Leto. Go back to acting dude, you are much more enjoyable on the silver screen (Requiem For a Dream is still one of my all time favorite films, if you haven't seen it i suggest you go buy it asap).

My beef with Justin Bieber is that the kid, KID, is 16 years old singing about "love". Why can't kids just be kids and enjoy life just being that? It freaks me out that kids find it necessary to take on careers even before puberty. By the time they are in their 20s, they have nothing left to offer the world because the public feel in love with them when they were "little angels", when they are raging alcoholics and drug addicts with zero money in the bank.

Lady Gaga...what to say about you??? Well for starters you are a freak of nature. I do not understand you and maybe that's what I don't understand about yr image. I guess you would call yr style "provocative", "brave", "unapologetic",  but I only see it as silly and moronic, yr really an attention whore. I know yr trying to be bigger and better than all the pop divas before you, but at least those before you were truly provocative. When Gaga approached the stage to accept the award for, "Video of The Year" for "Bad Romance" there was no trouble figuring out what the hell she was wearing, a dress made of meat. And to top it all off she had a purse made of meat and a hat that was pretty much a "baseball cut" laying atop her stupid head. There is nothing provocative about wearing a dress made out of meat, except for the fact that she pissed off the whole PETA community, haha!! You may consider yrself to be the 21st Century "Madonna", but you got nothing on a real diva such as Aretha Franklin or Whitney Houston.

As I said earlier, MTV was not trying to get ME to watch their sub-par "award show". All I have to follow up with is that I am sad for the generation under me having to accept this as entertainment. Kids, do yrself a favor and just change the channel!!! Everything about MTV so fucking trendy and it kills me inside. Sometimes at college I would really feel lost, unable to relate to others around me because they immersed in the trendy bullshit that is MTV.

Ok...I am done complaining. On a more positive note, I picked up the novel The Rules of Attraction earlier today and I am stoked to get started on it. For now I will say goodbye, thanks for reading!

love,
maddog

Sneak Preview...

Currently Listening to: The Movielife - Fourty Hour Train Back to Penn

Well I do not really know how to begin producing one of these things. I am not saying that it is difficult to start writing a blog, but to begin one means that you have spent a good amount of time thinking about writing a blog. I guess the main reason why I am publishing my rantings for the masses to read is not because I think I am a superior writer with brilliant grammar skills, but of my own extreme desire to put "pen to paper". I have a degree in English, this should be an easy task to manage, right? In my opinion, this is one of the hardest creative tasks that I am trying to take on. The sole reason for the difficulty is the massive amount of ideas and thoughts swirling around in my brain. I have so much to share and sometimes I get confused and cannot get started because I get overwhelmed. With a lot of effort I will focus my energy on one idea/thought at a time and produce coherent and thoughtful posts.

So, what will I share here exactly?

• I will share stories involving friends and family and the dynamics of those relationship
• Post-college experiences including my summer working on the Vans Warped Tour for a company called Hooligan Skateboards
• My quest to obtain another touring job (selling merch)
• Thoughts on women and my relationships with those females that are close to me
• Poetry and other literary stuff I enjoy
• Music I like to listen to that you should listen to as well so we have something to talk about

This is only an example of the topics that will be shared here. Not everything I post here will be totally riveting and I will not blame you if you choose not to read, I'm not offended. If you do choose to follow my blog, please do not be afraid to comment and share your opinion. i would love to hear from everyone.

For now I am going to ponder a topic to share and post it up first thing in the morning. Thank you for reading this first (boring) post.

love,
maddog